Amazon I don’t even want to write this but I want to break up with you.
You seduced me years ago, back in the 90’s when I was in my 20’s and didn’t know to be more careful with my heart.
You captured me, a lifelong reader, with endless books, books I didn’t even know I wanted, way more books than my local booksellers carried.
And I didn’t have to go anywhere. You brought them to me.
Now you’re like a Kudzu plant.
You’ve taken over the world and there’s no killing you or cutting you back.
Amazon Prime: Our Off Again On Again Relationship
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What’s worse, you are, at times, even more seductive than ever.
I don’t want to shop for clothing at the same place I shopped for books in my 20’s.
But, what choice do I have?
Many of the retail shops in my rural part of the East Coast have closed.
You trick me into getting pantry items delivered through “subscribe and save.”
I’m not really saving anything I don’t think.
Oh I might save a ridiculous amount on the first shipment of whatever it is you’ve drawn me to order but after that the price goes up.
And I’m paying more to have something shipped and paying for the shipping.
And shipping–during the pandemic–what a shxt show that was.
In fact, I’m not even going to go there.
I know your back was up against a wall with everyone around the world trying to get their stuff with donning masks and venturing in the virus laden world.
I am fond of you and I think for some people you bring value.
Prime Video and Prime Music
Prime Video and Prime Music–two solid pieces of entertainment are included for free in our relationship when I submit.
Alas, I can’t seem to figure out how to get Siri to communicate with Prime Music on my iPhone but that’s not your fault.
You have movies I haven’t seen in years that I’d forgotten about.
And with a click of a remote I can subscribe to Britbox or Acorn TV, which has All The Shows from the UK I want to see.
You affect how I watch TV.
I’m using a remote control that you made. How’s that for creepy?
There’s so much music on your music service.
Millions of songs.
My favorite time to be a Prime member is during the holiday season, by which I mean October through January because you have ALL THE CHRISTMAS SONGS I’ve ever listened to and a whole bunch I’ve never heard of.
There are radio stations without advertisements.
Radio stations for music genres that don’t exist on the radio in my tiny part of Maine.
Amazon Beauty
You manage to get your hands on beauty products I covet and can’t find anywhere else, not even the Mothership (Sephora).
You’re dealing me tiny adornments for my manicures from China. I can get those delivered. From China the country to my house in Blue Hill, Maine for .99 cents.
How does that happen?
I’m not sure I want to know.
The foundation that is my exact skin tone is only available on your site.
Speaking of beauty products, your web includes hookups for all of the beauty subscription boxes, Allure, Ipsy, Birchbox. Is there no one who won’t do business with you?
I don’t even have to type anything in. I just hit a button.
Because.
Because you have all of my addresses memorized. And all of my parents’ addresses memorized.
And you’ve talked me into letting you hold my debit card number.
You sell plants and seeds.
Is there nothing you won’t offer?
You seem to have a service for people in most stage of their lives.
Amazon Baby Registry I’m looking at you.
The only thing I don’t see and maybe that’s only because I’m not there yet so you haven’t shown it to me is Amazon Geriatric.
So, what do you have to say for yourself?
And you dear reader, how’s your relationship with A?
xo,
Jennifer
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